I can't believe it's only 9 days until Christmas!! We haven't even got our Christmas tree up yet, usually, I am making my mum get the tree up by the 1st December but this year, nobody can be bothered to go and put it up with everything that has happened with my grandad. Non of us are really looking forward to Christmas this year but we will probably try and get the tree up tomorrow as I know my grandad wouldn't want us all to not celebrate as he loved Christmas so much and it was his best time of year as he got to spend time with him family and friends.
Christmas wont be the same without my grandad. He was always the one that made us laugh by coming out with stupid little jokes, bought me extra-special presents, made us get the Christmas tree and kept buying little novelty gifts for everyone. My grandad was the life and soul of Christmas, I always loved going round to his house and spending lots of quality time with him and reflecting back on memories.
I don't have any other grandad that lives in the Country so I think that is what is making me feel more upset and depressed. My other grandad (Mums dad), lives in Spain with his wife and isn't going to be coming to see us this year. He lives about 3 hours away from us and says he wants us to go and see him but it would cost a lot of money to get a flight and it is simply money we can't afford. It is always left to us to go and see my grandad and he never wants to come over here. He never likes spending money so I guess that is one of the main reasons why he doesn't come and see us but still, we are his family and he should be here with us!!
At the moment, I feel like I am grieving over 2 people and it makes me really upset to think that my grandad who has just died, didn't want to leave us but had to and my other grandad just left us because he wanted to. My mum is a bit sick of what my grandad is doing to us also and she has said that to him many times but it never seems to sink in and he just goes on about how happy he is over there and how he wouldn't change it for the world. I'm happy that he's happy, don't get me wrong, i'm just upset that he isn't here and wont be spending Christmas with us as a family.
We have got most of our Christmas shopping done now. My mums ordered most of it online as I didn't feel like going and looking round all of the shops for presents. We don't have a clue what to get my nanan, we want to get her something special but don't know what she would like. We were thinking about taking her to London for the day to watch a Musical so that I could spend plenty of time with her for a treat but we don't know what she would like to go and see really. We've got her a cookery book as she loves cooking but want to get her something else for a treat.
My mums arranged for me to go and have a beauty makeover for Christmas. She wasn't going to tell me but had to because I was going to tell my great grandma to get me it!! It is something that I have always wanted to do; I don't want to be a model or anything but I always think it's nice giving your family something that they can treasure and hang in their homes. I will be getting my hair and make-up done and then will have professional pictures taken of me in lots of lovely clothes (we have to take our own so I think we'll be going on a shopping spree when the sales are on!).
I've been trying to channel my enery in a positive way to try and shake this depression that I feel I have coming on. Felicia has really helped me and told me that everytime I feel depressed, to think about the nice things that I have coming up after Christmas and think that my grandad would want to see me happy. It really does help when I remember to do it - I have been leaving post-it notes everywhere reminding myself that when I feel depressed, I have to channel my energy in a positive way!!
Merry Christmas everyone - I hope you all have a great time with your friends and family and get all of the presents you wished for!!!
1 comment:
Ahh, yes, the holidays can really sneak up on one! I can very much understand how this will be a sad time without your grandad here. That must be especially hard with your other grandad being far away. I can relate somewhat, as although my father is still alive, I've not seen him in about 25 years. He could have contacted me a long time ago, but chose to quit doing so. It doesn't seem fair that adults get to be so clueless about how they affect their family, espcially young folks, does it?
What a lovely thought of taking your nanan to a musical; that sounds like a very fun and special way to spend time together! I hope you can find something 'just right' to choose to attend.
Your makeover sounds quite exciting! What a lot of fun, too and you certainly deserve it. I hope you will share your favourite photo when you have them. Do enjoy yourself!
I tend to agree with what Felicia has told you about thinking ahead. I believe your grandad would not want you to feel awful, but would hope you would carry on with your life and remember the good times you had together. And maybe that's all we can do sometimes, yes?
I just read an interesting quote "Life is a tragedy full of joy." I take this to mean that there are difficult things (like RSD and losing a loved one) but that is life, but we must strive to look ahead to those next moments of joy, lest we miss them.
Wishing you and your family a very happy holiday season full of love and joy.
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