Forum Troubles and Being Stressed

As most of my blog readers know, I lost my grandad 3 weeks ago and I also run a support forum for people with RSD and their friends and family.

I have been SO stressed with everything that has been going off in my life and my familes and was frustrated on the forum when I posted a message and no-one replied to what I had written. I guess I just felt like I had done so much for the forum but no one semt to want to help and support me when I needed someone to talk to. My mum noticed the post before I did so she posted a message saying that she was frustrated and angry that not many people were replying to my posts even though I am going through a very rough time right now but still take the time to reply to others. She also mentioned that she felt now was the time to take a break from the forum and maybe step down from being an Administrator, at least until I can get things back onto an even keel.

After I saw the message that my mum had wrote, I also posted a message saying that I too was frustrated with people that weren't replying to my posts. I didn't put anything nasty but I just said that I felt now was the time I stopped doing everything on the forum. People then replied saying that I had hurt their feelings and that basically what I was saying wasn't true and that they are all there to support me even though some of them have not been. Just the other day, I was talking to someone on Yahoo IM and they knew what had happened with my grandad but still persisted in telling me about how bad their life is, in the end I ended up having to say I had to go because they were really annoying me.

Some people on the forum (especially Felicia) have been great but with others, I just feel like everything has been left to me and that I am having to do everything even though i'm not feeling well myself. I just can't understand why people can't seem to understand what I am saying and realise that I need to take a break otherwise I am going to end up going into a huge flare!!!

I've still decided though that I need to take some time to myself, to relax and just unwind and take care of myself and my family. There is just too much going off right now in my life without having to worry about the forum all of the time.

Hopefully, once I am feeling better, I will be able to go on the forum more but it's just so frustrating that people can't see things from my point of view and realise that once in a while, I may need to take a break!!

I'd like to take this time to thank a few people also that have helped me so much and always been there for me no matter what:

Felicia (Alessea) - Thank you ever so much for being here for me and everything that you have done for me. You have helped me so much more than you know and I could never thank you enough for seeing things from my point of view with the forum and for understanding. You are the best friend anyone could wish for and I could never thank you enough!

Lisa (Lisa_Moon) - Thank you ever so much for taking the time out to read my blog and comment, it really helps knowing that people are here to listen to me let off steam and I could never thank you enough also ((hugs)). I really hope things are better for you and that you have settled into your new home now!

My mum - Thank you so much for always being here for me and for supporting me 100% in everything I do. I could never in a million years thank you for all of the support you have given me - you're the best! I love you so much!

One for Wednesday

My mum allowed me to take the day off School today because i'm not feeling too well. I haven't been sleeping at all for the past few nights - last night I was sat on the computer at 2am talking to one of my RSD friends from the forum, Lauren (thank you so much Lauren for keeping me company!!). I have tried everything to try and make me get to sleep but nothing seems to be working at the moment. My nurse in London was supposed to be speaking to my PM Doctor and getting back to us but she never got back in touch and she said she would be in touch last week!

I emailed the School Psychologist last night to keep her up to date with how I have been getting on at School and also to share some of our concerns. I love my School Psychologist as she is really nice and helpful - she was the person that made me want to become a Psychologist, I just wish I got to see her more - I only see her about every 3 months but I can email her whenever I need to! She got back to me almost straight away and said that she is going to our School tomorrow so she is going to speak to some of my teachers about some of the issues that we are having to see if they could get anything changed to make things a bit easier for me. I told her most of the problems that I am having at School such as teachers not understanding, my friends never coming when they are supposed to, homework, noise affecting my pain levels, walking from lessons to lessons and the chairs in Science hurting my leg too much. Hopefully we will be able to get things sorted a bit better soon. My Psychologist is really good so I am hoping she will be able to get my teachers to make some changes that may help!! I will keep you all updated when she gets back in touch with me.

My mum spoke to her boss at work today about a Club that the Youth Club works for called 'Anxious and Phobic' or something like that. She spoke to someone at her work about it yesterday and they said that I wouldn't fit in however her boss said that it is quite a good club and that most of the children there are really nice and friendly. The Club runs 4-5 days a week for 3 hours per day and most of the kids that go there have some issues about school such as, they have been out for a long period of time and having trouble getting back into the swing of things (like myself), are being bullied, dislike school etc. I emailed my Psychologist about it to see what her opinion is. I really want to go to school but I just don't think it is going anywhere near as well as we expected it to...

My mum has the workmen in today. They are building an extension for us so that I don't have to keep going up and down the stairs whenever I need to use the toilet. The Builders have accidentially cut into the main water pipe for the whole of our street so no one on our street has any water now!! When the Architect drew the plans, he didn't put where the main water pipe was! The Builders are now 2 days behind schedual as a result!! I hope we can get things sorted soon!! The Workmen will be working on our house for about 10 weeks, my mum is also having a new Kitchen so they are fitting that for us.

I am pretty stressed today. I have so much going through my mind that I am fit to burst!!! I went to see my grandparents yesterday to give them the letter that Felicia had so kindly wrote for me (thanks so much Felicia!). My granparents NEVER asked how I was or anything, when I told them how I was doing, they would change the subject straight away. It really annoyed me. I didn't say anything to them face-to-face, I just gave them the letter, explained a little about Felicia and then left. The minute I got into my mums car I burst into tears, my grandparents just don't understand anything! I was crying for a good few hours. I really hope the letter will make my grandparents understand and make them open their eyes but if it doesn't, Felicia and myself tried our very bests so there is nothing else we can do. They haven't gotten back in touch with me yet, I figured that i'd give it a few days to let it sink in as it may come as a bit of a shock. If they don't get in touch then I will go and see them and tell them exactly how I feel and try my best to move on.

It wont be easy but sometimes it's better to try and move on...

I have to go to the dreaded Dentist tomorrow - yuck!! I have to have a filling and then I have to go back 2 weeks later to have yet another filling and a tooth pulled out. I have absolutely dreaded going to the dentist ever since developing RSD - it just scared me!!

Wish me luck!!