First College Placement Finished!

Just under 2 weeks ago, I started my first ever College placement. As most of you know, I am studying a Course in Health and Social Care and as part of that course, you have to do 50 days of placements throughout 2 years.

This Placement was in a Care Homes Day Centre for elderly people with a wide range of different problems. I was extremely nervous about starting at first as i'd never done anything like this before but I survived and got on OK!

All of the staff at the Care Home have been great. They were all made aware about my RSD so were understanding if I couldn't do anything (though most things I could as it was only talking with the residents, pushing wheelchairs etc - nothing too physical because of my age).

The Day Centre had a wide variety of activities happening every day. I had to go for 6 hours Monday through to Friday so that I could get a taste of work life. It was hard because of my RSD as I got tired really easily but I got through it and am happy to say, I completed all of my 10 days.

The time seems to have gone really quick. It only seems like two minutes since I started at the Care Home. I have really been kept busy having to communicate with the residents, help serve dinners and set tables, help them participate in crafting activities etc. It's been really fun and I think I could definitley see myself in the Caring Profession.

I've developed a lot of skills during the 10 days I have been on placement and it's given me a real insight into work life. I've really improved confidence wise and am able to talk to people that I don't really know now which I wouldn't do before unless I was absolutely forced to.

My Placement Superviser has been really good. I met up with her today and she went through my placement booklet with me and commented on how well i've done. I was given a lovely box of chocolates from her and all of the residents when I left and a card which was really nice! All of the residents semt to like having a younger person in as they could talk about their grandchildren and things with me. They had lots of interesting things to say and said they were all sad to see me go with brought tears to my eyes!

Were talking about trying to get my second placement in a Child Care setting so i'm looking forward to that. Child Care is something i'm interested in so hopefully i'll enjoy it! My next placement isn't until April so at least we have plenty of time to organize it!

I need to catch up with all of my school work that i've missed now! I have been given some to do at home for college and school so will probably be busy with that over the weekend as it's back to college on Monday! Were hoping to have a meeting with school soon as the school centre I am at at the moment, doesn't seem to be giving me that much work so were going to discuss me going back to mainstream school or at least giving it another try. I'm not sure how that will work at the moment or whether i'll be able to cope with it but I guess we wont know until we give it a try. I'm just afraid that if I stay at the place i'm at now, I wont get all of the grades I need to go onto the higher level college course. Hopefully my school will be understanding and put me in a class with the few of my old friends that actually talk to me!

I'll keep you all posted! Thanks for the support!

Anniversary of Grandad's Death

Today, the 22nd November is a year to the day that my grandad passed away. Who'd have known a year ago that it would be the last time that we would all see my grandad, that he would be taken away from us just in a split second?

They always say that time heals things like this but I don't really believe that that is the case - it just gives you more time to think of all the things you are missing out on and that's what I have been doing today. It hurts SO much to know that I can't go to my nanans and see my grandads face again, go shopping with him. I guess it's the little things that I miss the most.

It seems so unfair that all of the good people are always taken away whilst other nasty people are still walking the Earth. My grandad was the best, yes we had our differences but he always cheered me up and that helped a lot. I still don't get to this day why my grandad was takwen away from us - the only conclusion that I can come up with is that Heaven was looking for an Hero and that was my grandad. He was my hero and always will be.

I'd give anything just to see his face one last time to let him know how much I loved him. It hurts a lot knowing that I can't see him and also knowing that he'll not be able to watch me grow up, have children have my own one day and be the loving grandfather to them that he was to me.

I start my College Placements tomorrow. I'm working in a Care Home for 2 weeks with old people. I'm really looking forward to it - i'm just glad it wasn't today as I don't think i'd have been able to cope. Every little thing has made me upset. I'm hoping that the RSD will 'behave' for a change during the placements. I'm going to try my hardest and try and make my grandad as proud as he made me.

Love you forever and always grandad. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you and wish you were here with us. You were the best and no one could ever replace you. I know you don't like seeing me sad but it's hard to cope with all this at times! Forever in our hearts!!!

Please Can I Have One???!!!? ...

Today as part of College, we went to a Care Home. Ever since then, my mum has been laughing at me as I seriously fell in love with all of the old people there LOL! They were all SO cute and seriously, I could have took them home with me if I was allowed to! The other girls that went to the Care Home were the same as me too! The teachers on my College Course are always saying that you should never become too attached to the patients but I bet it is really hard when they are so cute and loving!

The trip to the Care Home was really interesting. One of the carers showed us round. It was split up into 3 areas; there was a resident section where all of the old people went and lived / went to stay whilst their carers got a break etc, another part which was more specialised and was for elderly patients with Alzeihmers and Demention and another place for people between the ages of 18 and 60 with all sorts of different illnesses, drug and addiction problems etc.

We learnt a lot from the visit and they showed us all of the hoists that are used to lift patients, how they work etc. The whole idea of the Care Home visit was to prepare us for our first placement and give us an insight into what to expect and after today, I am really looking forward to my first placement!

Towards the end of the visit, we were asked to play Bingo with all of the residents which was really fun! I had to work with a lady who was deaf and mark all of the numbers down for her whenever they came out. She was so kind and sweet, always smiling and asking me to have the prizes as we won!

It was amazing to see how grateful the patients in the Care Home were when we went to see them! When we had to go, they kept thanking us for coming and said they really enjoyed themselves! It was SO nice being able to give something back to them and see the smiles on their faces!

I'm really looking forward to my first Placement which starts on the 23rd November for 2 weeks. It's not in the same place as we went today but it is in a Care Home so it should be really good!

My legs hurting a lot now! I think I did a little too much today and am paying for it. I have School in the morning tomorrow but then I can come back, relax and finish my assignment that has to be in on Wednesday for Child Development. I was supposed to have a Physio appt last week but my Physiotherapist is ill with Swine Flu so had to cancel ... it seems to be going round like wild fire at the moment! My College tutor was really ill with it a few weeks ago but is better now thankfully!

I want to thank you all for the continued support - it's really appreciated :-)!!

Update

I haven't updated my Blog for quite a long time so please accept my sincere apologies for that - things have been pretty hectic here lately so I haven't been able to get on the computer much!!

I started College about 3 weeks ago and am really enjoying it! It seems so strange saying that i'm at College as most people don't start until they are 16 years old and i'm only 14 lol!

I'm studying Society, Health and Development which is really interesting. We look at all 4 sectors of Health and Social Care such as Health, Child Care, Criminal Justice and Social Care so it's really interesting as you get a taste of all of the areas that you can go into, not just one!

I currently attend College 3 half days a week. At the moment, on a Monday, we are doing Communication, on a Wednesday afternoon we are doing Child Care and on a Thursday afternoon, we are doing Criminal Justice. I have learnt quite a lot since being on the Course. It is a LOT of hard work however, I don't think anyone really anticipated how hard it was going to be! Just today in fact, my tutor was saying that she thinks the course is a lot harder than most others and thinks it should be targeted more towards 16 year olds. She thinks that we will sail through it though as we are all commited to it.

I had my Placement induction day last week which was interesting. I found out that my first placement will start on the 23rd November and will be in a Care Home where I will have to look after old people etc. The placements last 10 days (2 school weeks) and we have to do 50 days of placements in all the 4 sectors to pass the course during the 2 years. Seeing as I am doing my first placement in a care home, all of the other kids will be doing it in another area and then we will swap so that it is fair.

I'm looking forward to my first placement, it's something that i'm interested in and I have heard that it's supposed to be quite interesting. It's worked out well as the Care Home is near where my mum works so she can take me there and pick me up as the College doesn't provide transport.

I've made a lot of great friends on the Course who have really helped me. They all know about my RSD and don't judge me because of it ... I guess it's easier for them to understand as they all want to go into the health care professions when they are older.

We are going on a trip to an Hospice next month so the course is quite hands on. Obviously, we wont be able to see all of the terminally ill patients because of our age but we will get to meet some of the patients that come in for day treatment etc. We are also helping to hold a Coffee Morning for the kids of terminally ill patients at the College sometime next month (we are arranging a day for that next week) so that should be fun!

When i'm not at College, I still attend the School centre so I am pretty busy every day now. It's been hard trying to get up for School and things but I guess it's something I have to do in order to succeed.

My mum has paid for me to do a Science course at home to take some of the extra burden off me however, I still have to go to School to do Science lessons once a week for 2 hours. I started going back to School last week and was terrified ... I hadn't seen any of the kids for nearly 2 years and I was so nervous as to what they'd say etc! I'm still not keen on going to School once a week as it is really stressful but I need to do it to pass my College Course.

The School has arranged for a lady to come and sit with me during my Science lessons. She is really nice but sometimes, I just wish she would leave me on my own to do my lessons and talk to people instead of treating me like a baby! I don't always like attention being drawn towards my ilness ... I just want to try and be as 'normal' as I can!! With her there, it sometimes feels as though it is drawing more attention towards my illness. I think she has to be there though as the School was scared incase I spilled anything during the lessons etc.

My great uncle sadly passed away last week. He had been ill for quite a long time now and deteriated further. I wanted to go to the funeral but my great grandma was being awkward saying that I shouldn't go and that it wasn't a place for kids to go ... she's really old fashioned when it comes to things like that! My aunty is quite upset so we have told her that we will go and spend some time with her to keep her company.

My mum and I have been asked to go to the House of Commons in London on the 27th November to speak to all of the MPs and maybe even Gordon Brown about Schools not supporting kids with a chronic illness. My Dr knew that I have had tons of problems with my education and school not understanding so thought it would be great for us to go and talk to them and hopefully, it will change things for the better! I'm really looking forward to going and really hope people will finally see sense and start improving schools ... it's bad enough dealing with RSD let alone schools being awkward too!

My RSD has been flaring up quite a bit. I think that the extra pressures of school / college and the weather changes haven't been helping. I'm finding that on a weekend, all I tend to do is collapse and spend most of the days in bed ... it's sort of like my body can't take any more by that point and shuts down! I have my Physio appointment next week, I haven't been for quite a while so i'm hoping they will be able to suggest somethings that might help.

Apologizes again for 'abandoning' my Blog! I will try and update it more regulary! I hope you are all doing well!

Happy Birthday Grandad!

Tomorrow, the 19th August, would have been my grandads Birthday. He sadly passed away last year after a major heart attack. It's SO hard knowing that i'll not be able to celebrate his Birthday with him. I'd give anything to see his face one last time and let him know how much I loved him. He was the best grandad anyone could ever wish for; yes we had our differences and he didn't understand my ilness but he always cheered me up when I was feeling down and I knew he cared deeply about me and for that, I could never, ever thank him enough.

It was my nanans Birthday today so I went to see her. My nanan and grandads Birthday are a day apart and they were the same age for a day!

We took my nanan some flowers and whilst we were visiting her, my cousion, aunty, uncle and cousions kids came. I hadn't seen them in a while so it was nice to see them. They brought some flowers for my grandads Birthday wish we went and put in the garden. When my grandad died, my nanan scattered his ashes in the garden and we got a rose bush that we named after him. His favourite place was in the garden so it made sense to scatter his ashes there.

It was SO hard laying the flowers. I think it hit us all that this would be his first Birthday that we wouldn't be able to celebrate together. We always did something on my grandads Birthday so it was so hard knowing that we wouldn't be able to this year.

Whilst my nanan and I were sat in the house, some of her cards kept falling down. It sort of felt as though my grandad was letting us know that he was still here with us, wishing my nanan a happy Birthday and letting us know that he was still looking over us. I never believed in ghosts or spirits before my grandad died but I do now - I know it sounds strange but I truly believe that a few times after my grandad died, I have 'seen' him and my nanan and dad have said the same thing too.

My nanan said she had a nice Birthday but it was obvious that she was upset, as we all were. I really wish I could spend my grandads Birthday with him and let him know how much I cared about him. I'd give anything to see his face one last time.

I decided to dedicate this blog post to my grandad. I miss him SO much but deep down, I think I know that even though he has gone physically unfortunately, he will always be looking down on us and watching out for us. Memories keep loved ones close to our hearts and well, they certainly did in my grandads case!

"If tears could build a staircase
And memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to Heaven
And bring you home again'

Happy Birthday Grandad, I miss you so much and would do anything to see your face one last time!

R.I.P - Gone but never Forgotten!

To all of my blog readers, please take the time today to let your loved ones know how much you care about them. So many things went unsaid when my grandad died and I always promised myself that i'd never let the same thing happen again. Lifes too short and you must let people know how much you love them as you never know whats around the corner!!

Love you grandad! Always in my heart. I was so proud to be able to call you my grandad and I scincerly hope I can make you half as proud of me as you did me! xxx

For Everyday I play, I have to set aside a day to pay...

I was reminded of this today. I really hate how whenever you try and do something with RSD, you always pay for it the next day.

It was my mums Birthday yesterday so we went to the theme park, Alton Towers. One of my friends and her mum came with us too which was really nice.

The theme park is really big and although we took lots of breaks, my leg REALLY hurt. Because I have RSD, we get a disabled pass which means that we can get on the rides straight away which is easier as at least that way, we don't have to wait around for ages to get on them.

We got on quite a few rides. They hurt my leg quite a lot as they threw us around but I didn't want to ruin it for my friend and mum so decided to go on them. My friends mum has just had back surgery so couldn't go on a lot of the rides so my mum went and sat with her most of the day to keep her company.

I really enjoyed yesterday but have really been paying for it today!!! I have been in bed all day and only got in the bath tub and that took all of the energy out of me. I really hate that no matter how much you try and not let RSD rule your life, it always seems to. It's SO hard trying to plan a trip out somewhere as I always know that i'm going to pay for it the next day if I overdo things. We took it pretty easy yesterday but I guess RSD has a mind of it's own!! It really gets to me at times when I see my friends out and about having fun and i'm sat in the house because of RSD - I just wish I could be a normal, carefree teenager!!!

Heres some of the pictures of my friend, Jess and I on some of the rides.

Me and Jess on the Runaway Mine Train. It's only a pretty small ride for young kids but it lasts quite a while so was good for a sit down!!



Jess and I on Rita: Queen of Speed. I love this ride and so did Jess! It goes from 0 to 60mph in 2.5 seconds!!



Me and Jess on Air. This ride is so strange - one minute you are sat upright and the next you know, you are laid flat on your stomach!! When it goes upside down, you are laid on your back - so cool!!! I'm not sure what happened to my fingers on this pic - it looks like i've got an additional finger lol!!




I'm off to go and lay down now as it's getting pretty late over here and i'm tired and hurting. I'm hoping that if I can get a good nights sleep, i'll feel better tomorrow!

Update And A Sorry !!

I'm sorry that I haven't updated my blog in quite a while. I haven't been feeling too well lately and have been pretty busy trying to sort things out with school. I feel so bad for neglecting my blog but hope you will all understand!

It's the Summer holidays over here in the UK at the moment and i'm SO glad that they have finally arrived! It's SO nice to be able to relax and not have to worry about getting up at 7am every morning to get ready for school when i'm not feeling too good! We get 7 weeks off and will start school again about the 9th September.

It's hard to believe that when I go back to school, I will also be going to college to undertake the Health and Social Care Course!!

We had a meeting a few weeks back with my school, the school centre and college to see what I will be doing from September and I have been stressing about it ever since! My School are trying to force me into going back to school despite telling them god knows how many times that I cannot cope with all of the walking involved and that my so-called 'friends' haven't been in touch with me for nearly 2 years now!

My teachers keep saying that I HAVE to go back to do my Science lessons and Citizenship otherwise I will fail all of my exams so they have sort of got us over a barrel! I don't want to go back to school as that would risk making my health even worse again (everytime I go back I end up in some flare) but on the other hand, I really want to pass my exams!

The School has decided that I can go to the School centre still but I MUST go back for Science, Citizenship, RE and some other lessons so that will mean that from September, I will be all over the place!

On a Monday morning, I will be at college and then at school in the afternoon.
Tuesdays, I will be at the school centre and then school.
Wednesday, I will be at school in the morning and then college
Thursday, I will be at the school centre in the morning and then college
Fridays, I will be at the school centre and then school.

I have been really scared about going back to school. I just don't want to go back and risk making my health worse and my 'friends' have clearly demenstrated that they could care less about me! My teachers sort of forced me into going back - they told me that I could say if that was OK and that they would ask for my input but they never did and i'm not the sort of person that will say if i'm not happy with something - guess it comes from my Type A personality!

My mum is currently trying to enroll me into a Science course at home so hopefully that way, I wont have to worry about going back to school and can do that at home. The college course is going to be stressful enough so I don't need to worry about having to worry about anything else!!!

We have a meeting next week with my college tutors about the placements to see how they can best accomadate me so hopefully that will go well! They want to try and make sure that I am as safe as possible during the placements so that I don't risk making my RSD any worse. Some of the employees have been a bit worried about giving me placements because of my RSD but my mum works in childrens services so it worked out well in the end as she was able to find me some placements :-) !!

I had a Physio appointment yesterday. It was the first one I have had in a while as my Physios felt I needed a break to see if that would help any. It didn't unfortunately and my knee has still been creaking a lot.

My Physio's did some gentle exercises with me as my knee still wont move much and they were really painful! They are still wanting to look into Botox as a last resort but i'm not sure if I am willing to take the risk of making things worse, especially seeing as though the nerve block and ingrown toenail removal made me worse. We were told that if we decided to give the botox a shot, they would send me to Great Ormond Street Hospital in the UK as that is the leading childrens hospital and they have a specialist botox clinic so should know what they are doing.

It's such an hard decision to make, I really want the Dystonia to go away but on the other hand, I don't want to risk making my RSD worse or ending up being in a wheelchair again! I guess it's a matter of weighing up the pro's and con's and then making an informed decision.

I don't have an appointment to see my Physio's until the end of August now as they still feel that I need a break from physio to see if that would help any. They basically don't want to do too much work on me until the inflammation on my knee settles down which could take quite a while unfortunately.

My mum and I are off to Spain at the end of August so i'm really looking forward to that! We are going to see my grandad for a week so i'm hoping that the break will do us both some good! He has a pool also so hopefully, I might be able to do some pool work whilst there too!

Thanks for reading and I apologize again for not posting a lot lately - I'll make sure I post more soon!!

Physio Appointment

I had an appointment with my Physio's on Wednesday which was the first appointment i'd had in over a month. I usually go every week but my Physio's father-in-law had suddenly passed away so she was off on berevement leave for quite some time.

I have been having a pretty rough time of it lately. I have been dealing with LOTS of pain in my knee, especially when I bend it and walk up and down stairs etc.

We told the Physio's about the knee pain and they took a good look at my knee. We had also started noticing some 'creaking' in my knee. It is really hard to describe how it feels but it literally feels as though someone has hidden some frogs in my knee cap as it croaks - weird, I know!

My Physio's felt my knee and couldn't believe the croaking I was getting in my knee! I think they were pretty fascinated with it to be honest as I don't think they had seen anything quite like it before.

They tried to get me to do some exercises to see how much movement I have in my knee but it was extremely painful. I was only told to bend my knee a little bit but got some pretty bad pain in it and then got a really bad spasm in my hip which was so bad that I started crying. The Physio's could obviously tell that I was in a lot of pain so decided to leave the session at that and did some talking with me and my mum.

They seem to think that I have some inflammation in my knee and that is why it creaks, even when I don't move it. The Neuro Physio thinks that I might have a condition called Femoral Patella which is something wrong with the Patella near the knee cap but I would need to see an Orthopaedic Doctor to get it diagnosed.

I have been told to increase my pain medications to try and help me through this flare as it's obvious that the pain is really getting to me as I have been pretty Depressed lately. I guess it is just getting to me that I can't do most things that any normal teenager can.

I also have an appointment to see my GP tomorrow to see if she has any input on the knee pain and see if she can do anything to help. I have to go and see my Physio's again on Wednesday and they are going to take another look at me then and then try and do something if things aren't any better. They did want to admit me into hospital a few weeks ago to do some inpatient physio with me but can't do it at the moment due to staffing issues and they also want to see if my knee settles down any before doing anything to it.

I'm hoping that we will get some answers from either my GP or Physio's sometime soon. The pain in my knee has really been limiting what I can and can't do and I have missed lots of school because of it.

It's a busy week for us this week. I have to go to college on Thursday to see about the Health and Social Care Course and then we are heading down to London on Friday to see Take That which should be fun!

Just want to thank everyone again for all of the help and support and for taking the time to read my blog - I really appreciate it!

Britney Spears Live In Manchester!!!

I have been in a pretty bad flare for a few weeks now but yesterday, me and my mum went to Manchester which is about an hour and a half away from where we live to see Britney Spears, Live In Concert!!!!

We have had the tickets for a few months now and have really been looking forward to going to see her. One of my mums work collegues went to see her in London though and she wasn't impressed by her. My mum was going to sell the tickets after what her friend told her but we decided that we would go and see for ourselves what she was like!!!

Ciara was supposed to have been the support act for Britney however for some reason, she wasn't there!!! Me and my mum were really looking forward to seeing her as we really like her! There were quite a few other people complaining also as no one had told them that she wouldn't be there, there was just a sign on entry stating that she wasn't performing that night.

I'm not sure if any of you know Ciara but she is quite popular and has done some songs with Justin Timberlake, Enrique Inglesias etc. I was pretty upset about not getting to see her but decided that we came to see Britney more than anyone else and would probably still have a good time!!!!

Seeing as Ciara wasn't performing they had some circus acts come and perform lots of circus routines that left the audience stunned!!! I honestly don't know how they did some of the acts that they did - they must be VERY talented people!!!!

After the circus act had finished, the audience went wild as music blasted through the stereos and Britney was introduced to the stage by Prez Hilton who had put a video together all about the pop princess which was pretty strange but funky at the same time!!!!

Britney certainly put on a show. She was fantastic to watch live and I am SOO glad we didn't sell the tickets!!!! All of her dance routines were great and the show had been excellently choreographed!!!

As most people know, Britney doesn't perform live; she mimes. It would be pretty much impossible to sing AND dance like she does at the same time! Even though she mimed though, it was still good and everyone had a great time singing and dancing to all of the music!!!!

Britney had lots of dancers with her; both male and female. I must admit that some of the male dancers were rather lush with their six packs and they certainly made all of the women and teenage girls happy!!! All of the women in the room screamed as they came to the stage and danced away!!!!

After about every second song, Britney descended below the stage to quickly get changed into another outfit. Me and my mum were laughing as they had spent a lot of money on the concert but yet couldn't seem to afford to buy her any clothes lol !! She was in skimpy numbers or bra's and knickers throughout most of the concert but I guess that is pretty for you!!

Whilst Britney was away getting changed, the circus act came back on to do some quick circus routines ago which were excellent! It was really good how they did it as no one was bored in the audience whilst waiting for her to get changed!

Britney didn't do many of her old songs, i'm not sure why. The only old ones she really did were 'Hit Me Baby One More Time', 'Toxic' and a few others. It was OK though as I knew most of her songs and even the ones I didn't were good due to all of the dance routines that she did!

As she sang 'Everytime', I got a bit upset as the song reminded me about my grandad who passed away last November. It wasn't Britney's fault obviously, I guess some songs just make me pretty emotional as I think about the lyrics as I can relate to them and I am still grieving a bit.

Whilst she sang Everytime, she was suspended above the stage in the air on a really nice chair in lovely fancy dress outfits!! It was really good how they choreographed it and made it fit in with the song!!!

I am really glad that we didn't sell the tickets as she was fantastic!! I am paying for going now due to all of the noise aggrivating my leg but it was definitiely work it! Me and my mum have already said that we would go and see her again on her next tour if/when she does one!!!

What was strange about the concert was as I couldn't walk far, me and my mum were sat in the disabled seating area. I was sat next to a women who had had a knee operation a few months ago and still could hardly walk. As she was coming into the arena, she fell and jarred her knee and it became extremely painful so she had to get her husband to go and get her wheelchair from the car and ask the arena doctor to get her a bandage. Throughout the concert though, I kept noticing that like me, whenever there was a vibration, she would jump in pain and pull a funny face. I just kept thinking to myself that what she was doing semt all too familiar and I could totally relate to what she was going through. I was actually going to ask her if she had heard of RSD or been diagnosed with it but didn't get chance and I didn't want her to think I was being noisy!! It was just strange though how she kept jumping with the vibrations. She told the arena doctor that she was seeing a doctor for her problems so hopefully she will get sorted soon!!

Heres a few pictures from the concer for those of you that are interested!! My mum took them with the digital camera as we were allowed to take pictures!!



The Acrobats performing. The Acrobatic somehow managed to put the frame on his nose and balance out whilst spinning round and it never moved - amazing!!!!



The acrobats performing again. The acrobatic in the air somehow managed to do a roly-poly onto the tightrope/wire without falling over and injuring herself!!!!



Britney Spears taking to the stage and dancing to her first song!!!



Britney Singing and Dancing with the Acrobatics Performing in the Air at the same time!



Britney Dancing with the Acrobats!!



Britney Dancing with the Male Dancers!!



Britney Dancing in a Cage that she was locked in!!



Britney Dancing in the Cage!



Britney Dancing with her Dancers



Britney Pole Dancing in a very Small Number!!



Britney was put into the above 'box' and somehow managed to get out and go to the other side of the stage without any of the audience seeing her!!



Britney With the Male Dancers trying to get her onto the Motorbike!



Britney Performing with all of the Dancers. I am officialy obsessed with the 2 male dancers - they are soo cute and fit!



Britney Dancing Again



Britney in a very nice, sparkly fancy dress outfit!



Britney performing 'Everytime' in the air suspended about the stage!!



Britney with all of her Dancers!!



Britney Dancing with the Male Dancers!!



Britney Performing with the Male Dancer



Britney at the end of the show with all of her Dancers!



Britney saying Bye to all of the audience at the end of the show!!!

Some Days Chicken, Some Days Feathers...

I am getting so fed up with being sick and tired all the time...

I guess today is just a bad day, to put it mildly. I have been dealing with a nasty pain flare now for about a month and there doesn't seem to be any end in sight at the moment. I am having some weird symptoms in my knee that can be very frustrating and painful. Whenever I bend my knee, I get excrutiating pain in the knee cap area that literally brings tears to my eyes. I have also noticed that my knee clicks a lot when I move it and it feels like my whole knee is really unstable. Me and my mum went out yesterday for the day and my knee gave way about 6 times which is making it very hard to walk as I am losing my balance quite a lot.

All of the knee issues started after my last Physio session about a month ago. My Physio's have been using a splint to try and correct my leg and foot position and in the last session, they got me walking in it but my leg kept giving way and my knee was rotating to the side even more. I remember complaining of really bad knee pain and my mum also said to my Physio's that my knee was twisting.

My mum called my physios last week to keep them informed on how I was doing and they said that the splint probably hasn't caused all of the problems I am havin. It seems to be too much of a coinscidence though that the pain and other symptoms started right after my last physio session!!

We were adviced to go and see my GP to get some anti-inflammitaries and to rule out any other possibilities, especially seeing as though the pain isn't what you usually get with RSD. My mum called this morning and we can't get an appointment until the 29th June which is over 2 weeks away!! I can't get in to see my Physio's until next Wednesday either so I guess this is something I am going to try and cope with until then...

I just want and need some relief from all of this!!!! I am off School again today as I just don't feel well and know there is no way I would be able to go and concentrate on my studies in this state!! I HATE missing School all the time and need to do something to stop me from being off school so much as from September, there is no way I can keep missing this much amount of school seeing as though I will be starting College and doing placements etc. I am lucky at the moment that the school centre understands my RSD and will allow me time off but i'm sure that will all be different when I start college!!

Life can really suck sometimes...

Preparing for the Future...

Today at the school centre, me and my teacher had a very long chat about what I want out of life and what carer I want etc.

I told her that I wanted a really good job and really wanted to be either a Psychologist or a Physiotherapist as I am really interested in that sort of stuff, especially now that I have RSD. I had always wanted to be a vet but now that I have RSD, I decided that I wanted to try and do something in the health field and work with people that are going through a similar thing to me.

On a Thursday at School, all of the kids do Drama for an hour and half in the morning. I never really liked Drama anyhow but seeing as though I got accepted onto the Health and Social Care Course at College from September, I will have to drop Drama and just focus on Maths, English, Science and ICT (Computers).

Myself and my teacher decided that doing Drama semt a bit pointless seeing as though I will be dropping it anytime soon so have decided to have some one-on-one time and focus on getting my Maths and English up to scratch.

In a few years, I have got my BIG important tests called GCSE's which I HAVE to pass in order to pass the Health and Social Care Course and get a good job in later life.

We have been doing lots of preperation for the exams and I have been given Romeo and Juliet to watch at home over the weekend.

From now on, every Thursday, I will work with my teachers on my own and do some of my GCSE work. It is hoped that maybe this way, it will be less stressful. I have missed out on a lot of school work due to my RSD so somehow need to try and catch up real fast.

It's quite scary to think that in less than 3 months, I will be starting a course at college and in 2 years time, I will be doing my all important exams!! Time seems to have really flown and I just hope that I will be able to concentrate enough in order to pass!

I'm off on a mini weekend break with my nanan tonight. We have a caravan (an home away from home sort of thing) at the seaside so we will be going there while Sunday as I don't have school tomorrow. It will be nice to get away for a bit and spend some quality time with my nanan and give myself a break also!

Tag, I'm It!!!

I found this little quiz online and thought it would be kinda fun to post it in my Blog and allow people to find out more about me...

I'm sorry that I have been so bad at posting in my Blog - things have been hectic here but I do hope to post an update more soon!!

what is your current obsession?

I am curently obsessed with Ugg Boots! It is Summer over here in the UK but I still live in them as they are probably the only shoes I can wear because of my RSD.

I am also obsessed with Diversity from Britains Got Talent! They won in the final today against Susan Boyle and are AMAZING!!! They are excellent dancers and do everything in sync and it looks great!

What is your weirdest obsession?

Hmm, I don't think I really have a weird obsession although I always tend to ask my mum if I smell lol !! I know it sounds strange but ever since I developed RSD, I seem to sweat a lot more and therefore think I am going to smell even though my mum always reassures me I don't!!

Starbucks or Peets?

I'm not sure what Peet's is as I don't think it is in the UK so would have to say Starbucks. I love their signiture hot chocolate and smoothies - they're to die for!!!

What's for dinner?

I've just had my dinner and had a lamb kebab and chips which was delicious!

What would you eat for your last meal?

I would probably have a Margharita Pizza and chocolate cake for desert as I love both of them!!

What was the last thing you bought?

I can't really remember as it was that long ago but it would probably have been a top that I have wanted for ages. It was on sale so I decided to go and get it!

What are you listening to right now?

I'm not really listening to everything, other than the television lol!

What is your favourite flavour ice cream?

I have lots of favourites but would probably have to say strawberry. Especially the strawberry ones with bits in - they're delicious!!

What do you think of the person(s) that tagged you?

I tagged myself so can't really comment lol !

If you could go anywhere in the World for the next hour, where would you go?

I would probably go to Australia as I have always wanted to go there and it looks beautiful on the tv. One of my close friends has just moved there recently with her mum also and I really miss her so it would be cool to meet up and spend some time together!!

Which language do you want to learn?

I would love to learn Spanish as my grandad and his wife live over there so we tend to go quite a bit. I know some Spanish, but would love to learn more!

What is your favourite quote right now?

My favourite quote at the moment is 'To the World you may be one person, but to one person you may be the World'. I think it's really lovely and is so true.

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardbrobe?

I have a Juicy Couture dress that I love! I need to lose a bit of weight to fit into it but it is really nice and perfect for the summer!!

What is your dream job?

I would love to be either a Psychologist or a Physical Therapist. I have learnt a lot since developing RSD so would like to try and help other people going through the same thing as me. I am starting an Health and Social Care Course at College soon so hopefully, that dream will be able to become a reality one day!!

What is your worst habit?

I don't think I really have a bad habit lol

If you had £100, what would you spend it on right now?

I would probably buy an all new wardrobe lol! I have lost some weight so some of my clothes don't fit! I don't really want to get any clothes right now though in case I lose any more weight any time soon lol!

Do you admire anyones style?

I love Miley Cyrus' style. I think she is so pretty and natural, not like some of the celebs that you see caked in make-up and plastic surgery!!

Describe your style?

I tend to chose clothes that are comfortable but also fashionable. I am pretty girly but not too over the top and am always focusing on my hair!

What are you going to do after this?

I'll probably watch the television for a bit and then go to sleep if I can as it's getting late!

What are your favourite movies?

I have lots of movies that I like but my favourites are probably Dirty Dancing, Grease, 27 Dresses, High School Musical etc - I love all the chic flicks!

What is your favourite fruit?

I love strawberies and grapes!

What inspires you?

I'm not sure really. Probably people that are going through a lot but still focus on the positives in their life. They help me keep strong and realise that things could always be worse.

Your favourite book?

I don't really have a favourite book as I can't read them that much due to my RSD (concentrate = just about gone !)!

Do you collect something?

No, not any more really. When I was younger, I used to collect Yu-Gio cards with my friends.

What is your favourite smell?

I love the smell of melted chocolate - yummy :-) !!

What are you most proud of?

I am proud of myself for undergoing an intense Physical Therapy program. It was absolute hell but did help a bit!!

What are five beauty products you couldn't live without?

- Mascara
- Blusher
- Eye Shadow
- Conceler
- Lip gloss

Cats or dogs?

Doggies!

OK, i'm breaking the rules and am only tagging 3 people! If anyone else would like tagging, please ask and i'll tag you!


http://lisamoon-phases.blogspot.com/ - Lisa Moon
http://alessea.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-are-you-trying-so-hard-to-fit-in.html - Felicia
http://messystuffalifewithms.blogspot.com/2009/05/wipeout.html - Webble

(You don't have to do this if you don't want to - it is entirely up to you!!)

here are the rules:
1. respond and rework; answer the question on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, add more one question of your own.
2. tag eight other people

College Course

First let me say a huge 'Thank You' to everyone that took the time to reply to my last blog entry and for supporting me!! I really appreciate people taking the time to comment and I don't know what I would do without all of the support and encouragement sometimes so, 'Thank You'!!

As I mentioned in my last blog entry, I went to college for an interview for the Health and Social Care Course that I want to do.

We heard back from the college a few weeks ago. They called my mum and asked whether or not she thought I would be able to cope with the placements on the course because of my RSD etc.

My mum told the college tutors that we had already spoke about how stressful it would be but that I really wanted to do the course and I was prepared to give it my all. The tutors were still really concerned about my RSD though and said that they were having a huge difficulty trying to find suitable placements for me because everyone was afraid that I would fall and injury myself or a patient. They said that academically, I would pass with flying colours but because of my RSD, they were concerned that I wouldn't be able to cope with the full course.

The tutors told my mum to speak to me and then to call them back asap the next day.

Me and my mum had a huge talk about the course and I didn't really know what to do. I really wanted to do the course but I felt as though the course providers didn't want me to do it because of my RSD. I am one of those sorts of people that wants to please everybody and doesn't want to make anyone feel like they have to do something for me - guess it's my Type 'A' personality!!!!

Eventually though, I told my mum that I wasn't going to let some teacher get in the way of my future carer and told her that I really wanted to do the course, even though I knew it would be a lot of hard work. My mum had also been on the college website and it says that they MUST provide suitable placements for anyone that is disabled as it is the law.

My mum called the tutors back and informed them of my decision and they still kept going on about how it would be hard work and that they don't know if i'd be able to cope etc. We told them though that I knew all of that but that it was something I wanted to do and was willing to give it my all.

My mum asked the tutors whether I had a place on the course and they kept trying to avoid giving her an answer. Eventually though, they said that I could have a place but that we need to be aware that it might be hard trying to find placements because of my RSD. My mum works for the Youth Club anyhow so she has contact with lots of different services if all else fails.

I'm just so relieved that I got a place on the course!! It was a lot of hard work but definitiely worth it in the end! I know that it will be hard work but it's something that I want to do and feel will be worth it in the end if I am able to complete the whole 2 years.

Me and my mum have to go to a meeting with the school on Monday to meet with the college tutors to discuss what might help me with the course etc. I'm glad that they are listening to me but at the sime time, I don't want them to be too over the top and single me out as someone that is really disabled.

I also have to go for a 'tester day' for the course in July. We will then find out more about the course and what it entails, when the placements will be etc.

Hopefully i'll be able to cope with all of the course and get my qualifications at the end of it. I really want to prove that I CAN do something even though I have RSD and prove to the ones that didn't think I could do it that they were wrong!!!!

I'm not going to let RSD get in the way of my life even though it is extremely hard at times. I am someday going to have to learn how to 'live' with it as it could be with me for the rest of my life unfortunately so I may as well start now!!

My Crazy Life: Update

First of all, i'm sorry that I haven't updated my blog in so long. Things have been so hectic here and I will try and fill you in on all the details now the best I can!

Things haven't been going too well for me lately. On Easter Sunday, I fell in the kitchen on the concrete flooring as my leg gave way. As I fell, I somehow managed to knock my right arm and it started to swell and bruise a few hours later. I wasn't going to tell my mum about it as I hoped that it would get better but it didn't and eventually I broke down in tears of pain and had to tell her.

She was shocked at how bad my arm was. It had only been a few hours since the injury and my arm had swollen up to become 3 times bigger than the other arm and was starting to turn black and blue. She wanted me to go straight to the hospital but I refused and told her that there was nothing they would be able to do.

The next day, my arm still wasn't any better but I decided to go to my grandma's as I hadn't seen her in over a week. She took one look at my arm and insisted that I went straight to the hospital. She doesn't know much about RSD so I think it was a bit of a shock to her as to how bad it was.

I really didn't want to go to the hospital but agreed to go and get my arm examined to rule out any other possibilities other than the RSD. The nurse in A&E was lovely and she took the time to listen to us about RSD and then decided to xray my wrist due to how bad it was.

When the X-Ray results came back, the nurse came to see us and said that it looked as though I had an hairline fracture over my radius. She was going to put my arm in a cast but my mum explained about the RSD and how you shouldn't cast an RSD limb so she decided to just put it in a really thick bandage. The nurse made an appointment for me to go to the fracture clinic where I would see an Orthopaedic Doctor to see what they wanted to do.

The next day, my mum took me to the fracture clinic and we saw the Orthopaedic Doctor there. She was really nice and was really shocked at how bad my arm looked. She called my Pain Management Doctor to come and take a look and he too couldn't believe how bad it was and said that it was the worse RSD flare up he has ever seen!! My Doctor decided to increase my Ketamine to try and get me through this flare and my mum also told him that I was having problems with my left shoulder. He took a look at it and diagnosed me with another spread of the RSD as he could see how sweaty my arm was and that it was extremely red.

My Doctor was concerned about my arm so told me to go back to the hospital a week later where they would re-xray my arm and decide what to do.

My Physio's had suggested trying botox for the dystonia in my left leg so my mum mentioned it to my PM Doctor. He said that he had got a letter from them and spoken to other doctors about it and basically, no one is willing to take the risk due to my medical history. I had a nerve block when I was first diagnosed and that put me in a wheelchair for 13 months and then a ring block and that created Myoclonic spasms/jerks so every doctor that he has spoken to isn't willing to try it as they fear that it could make things worse. He is going to speak to some other doctors though and see if they will be willing to do it and I have an appointment with my Neurologist on Monday so will discuss it with him then.

I'm really not sure what to make out about the Botox situation. I think we need to try something else as a last resort as nothing else has worked but I don't know whether I am prepared to take the risk of making things worse either. I guess it is one of those situations where you have to weigh up the pro's and con's.

Anyhow, a week after I saw the doctor in the fracture clinic, I returned back to the hospital for yet another xray and to see the Orthopaedic Doctor again. The Doctor re-xrayed my arm and said that she couldn't see any fractures this time!!!! I really didn't know what to think when she said that. I think I was just in shock and denial as I realised it was another RSD flare. Don't get me wrong, I didn't want my arm to be broken but at least with a fracture, it would be better within 4-6 weeks, with RSD there are no guarantees.

The Orthopaedic Doctor explained that it was the worse RSD flare up they have ever seen and that it appears as though my nerves have been causing my blood vessels to constrict and therefore blood has been leaking out - a bit like internal bleeding I suppose.

I expected the doctor to lose interest once she found out it wasn't broken but she didn't and said that she was glad I went to the fracture clinic as it teaches them more about RSD. I was so glad when she said that as most doctors don't want to even consider learning about RSD.

The Orthopaedic Dr told me to rest my arm as much as possible in a bandage but also try and move my fingers and elevate it to get rid of the swelling. I also have to have weekly Physio on it to try and get things under conttol more.

I think I am still in a bit of denial about the RSD flare. I just feel so sad sometimes as I know it's RSD and that it isn't going to be a quick fix. My family still think that it is broken and that the doctors have misdiagnosed it which is realy stressful at times as they don't understand what RSD is.

I will come back to edit my post in a bit - need to go and rest for a little bit as my arms hurting a lot!!!

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Last week, I had a 2 day selection event at a football club near where I live about a college course that I am hoping to do.

As some of you know, I am currently taking my Year 9 Options which is where you basically have to choose which subjects you want to do in the last 2 years of school. You have to do Maths, English, Science and ICT (computers) but can then choose any other subjects you want to do.

The meeting at the football club was about the Health and Social Care Course that I have applied for and was really interesting. We did lots of team building exercises which enabled us to get to know others that have applied for the course and may be working with us if we get a place. We also got a chance to meet up with the teachers who are extremely nice and caring.

The teachers showed us a video about the course that we have applied for. It is spilt up into 5 sectors so that it covers 5 different topics. One sector is in Health, another is in Child Care, the third one is in Criminal Justice, another in Admin work at hospitals etc and the last one in supporting people with behaivoural issues or that are autistic etc. If we get accepted onto the course, we have to do 50 hours of Placements covering all of the 5 different sectors so you can work in an old people home, youth club etc etc. All of the children on the course in the video said that it was very good and that they have learnt a lot from it.

On the last day of the course, we had to go for interviews with the teachers. The teachers were really nice and asked me lots of questions like why have I applied for this course, what do I hope to get from it etc. I told them that I suffer from a chronic pain condition and that I have learnt a lot about illnesses and what to help other people that are going through similar things to me. The teachers were really interested in learning about RSD which I thought was nice!

The teachers said that they had no problems with me getting onto the course academically but that they wanted me to consider whether the 50 hours of placements would be too much. They asked me to go and have a think about it and then called me back to tell them my decision. I told them that I know that it will be hard work and stressful but that it is something that I want to do and feel will be worth it in the end. The teachers were happy with my decision and said that was fine as long as I felt comfortable and wanted to do it.

When I spoke to the school, they told me to apply for the course that I went to college for and also another one which is exactly the same but with 10 hours placements instead of 50 so at least that way, if I don't get accepted onto the one I want, I have something to fall back on. If I don't get accepted onto both courses, I don't know what I will do as there isn't that many subjects at school that I am interested in that I could take in my Options really.

We should find out by the end of the week if I get a place on the course! I really hope I do as it is something I want to do and the teachers seem as though they will be able to work round me! There are 15 places on the course and 22 people have applied. The course lasts 2 years and if I get accepted, I will have to go to college 3 days a week.

After we had our interviews at college, we did more team building exercises and the football players from our local football team came in! It was really nice to meet them as I support the team! They came in and presented us with certificates and also signed some programs and things for us!

Me and my mum have been away for the weekend on a mini break. We have been to the South of England to see my grandad and his wife, Carol. It was really nice as they live in Spain which is a 3 hour plane journey so I don't really see them that much. They took us to lots of interesting places including a zoo called Monkey World which was really good. It had all sorts of monkies and the zoo keepers rescue them from neglect and try and nurse them back into health! We also went for lots of meals to lovely restraunts which was nice and we got to meet up with my grandads wife's parents for the first time ever! I'm paying for the trip now but it was definitiely worth it!

So, that is my crazy update! Hopefully things will start picking up for me soon! Please keep your fingers crossed that I will get accepted onto the course and I will keep you all updated!!!

The ABC's Of Me (And Then Some)

A - Age: 14 years old

B - Bed size: Double Size Bed - that way, I have plenty of room for my RSD leg!!!

C - Chore you hate: Cleaning my chinchilla and hamsters cages out as they always smell!

D - Dog's name: Jack

E - Essential start your day item: Hmm, probably a shower and coffee to try and wake me up!

F - Favorite color: Lilac and Pink - i'm a real girly girl when it comes to that!

G - Gold or Silver: Gold but I like both :-)

H - Height: Hmm, i'm not sure but over 5ft

I - Instruments you play(ed): I don't really play any although I did play a recorder when I was younger but only for fun!

J - Job title: I am currently in school at the moment but hope to be a Psychologist when I am older as I have learnt a lot since I developed RSD and want to try and help others! I am also hoping to start a college course from September on Health and Social Care

K - Kid(s): Lol, i'm waaaay too young to have kids!!! I do have my 'fur babies' though who I pretend are my children lol!!

L - Living arrangements: I live in a 3 bedroom house in the UK with my parents and pets (springer spaniel, chameleon, chinchilla, hamster, fish and African Grey Parrot)

M - Mom's name: Andrea although I call her mum!

N - Nicknames: I don't really have a nickname - people usually just call me Ali.

O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: I have stayed in the hospital LOTS of times overnight - too many to remember!!

P - Pet Peeve: Bad drivers, insensitive people etc

Q - Quote from a movie: "I carried a watermelon"! Dirty Dancing

R - Right or left handed: I'm right handed but really must try to write left handed also now that my RSD is flaring up in my arm all the time!! Maybe that way, at least if one arm is bad, i'll have the other to use still lol!

S - Siblings: I don't have any siblings and like it that way!

T - Time you wake up: When I am at school, I have to wake up at around 6.45am. On a none school day though, it just depends and I usually lay in for a bit as I don't sleep a lot!!

U- Underwear: I wear it!

V - Vegetable you dislike: Coliflower is gross!

W - Ways you run late: I am always running late now that I have RSD as it takes me forever to wake up!! My mum has learnt now to get me up really early though so that gives me time to wake up and shower and not be too late!

X-rays you've had: I have had an x-ray of my radius and ulna, total left leg, nose and teeth. I have also had an MRI scan.

Y - Yummy food you make: I don't really make food but like baking cookies and buns when I get chance!

Z - Zoo favorite: I love White Tigers!!

Website That I Created For Kids In Pain!!!!

I haven't updated my blog for a short period of time as things have been pretty busy here but thought I would make a post about a website that I created for kids in pain as hopefully it will help some people!!

Since I have been diagnosed with RSD, I had always wanted to create a website especially for children and young people dealing with a chronic pain disorder! Throughout the 2 years that I have had RSD, I have had such a hard time trying to find teenagers to talk to that are going through a similar situation to me and I know many other young people have also.

This past weekend, I decided that I would have a go at setting the site up and it is now all up and running with it's own domain name!!! We were just going to create the site for young people with RSD but I know that there aren't that many so my mum came up with the idea to have it for kids dealing with any chronic pain condition and their families!!

The website has lots of information on all sorts of chronic pain conditions such as RSD, Fibromyalgia, Arthritis etc and even has it's very own forum where you can go and talk to others who are in a similar situation to yourself!!!

I hope that some of you will join the forum and try and get the word out about it so that hopefully, other teens wont have to deal with a chronic pain condition on their own!!

The link to the website is:

www.kidsinpain.co.uk

You will also find a section on there with the forum which you are more than welcome to join should you wish!!

The site still needs a lot of work doing to it but it is up and running and that is the main thing!

Please feel free to check it out and if you have any questions or feedback, please let me know!!

Physio Appointment and Decisions!!!!

First of all let me say a huge thank you to everyone that replied to my last post about the second anniversary of developing RSD!!! It means a lot when I recieve posts from others and I am SO lucky to have you all as my friends!! Thank you for taking the time out to read my blog - I truly appreciate it!!!

Last week, I had an appointment with my Physiotherapists. I hadn't seen them for a while due to my grandad passing away, Christmas break, school and mums work etc so it was nice to catch up with them!!!

I asked the Physio's to look at my left arm as I have been having quite a lot of pain in it and it goes red a lot sometimes and is very tender in some areas. The Physio's asked me to change so that they could examine my arm and they asked what I did. I told them that I fell on some ice going out to the taxi and knocked my arm. They got me to do lots of movements and said that there didn't appear to be any fractures there and that they suspect that it is a spread of the RSD. They didn't so it in so many words but said that it was a 'Pain Response' and that I need to see my Pain Management Doctor to diagnose and treat it.

I'm so upset that I might be dealing with another spread as that is the last thing I need right now!!!! Hopefully, we will be able to "manage" it though and if it is caught soon enough, it will go into some form of remission. I have been given some exercises to do and I try and do them on a daily basis - they are really painful but I know that it is either use it or lose it and I don't want to risk things getting any worse!!!!

After the Physio's examined my arm and shoulder, they went and checked my foot out. I have pretty bad Dystonia in my leg as well as the RSD and the first thing the physio said when she saw my leg was, "It looks worse than when I last saw you"!!

My Physio examined my leg and tried her darn hardest to move it but it wouldn't move even a tiny bit!!!!! It took them half an hour and a lot of strength to get my leg to move a little bit!!! The Physio said that they need to try and re-think their options now as it is obvious that Physio alone isn't helping in my case. I have been having weekly Physio (and sometimes more than that) for 2 years now and it hasn't helped with the Dystonia at all.

The options that the Physio's gave us was to try either Botox, Electrical Stimulation to try and stimulate to muscles into working or casting my leg. The casting has alreaady been mentioned and I wasn't very happy about that at all as I have read so many horror stories and know that you should neve cast an RSD limb anyhow.

The Physio's told us to go home but that they wanted to see me a week later (this week) and that they were going to arrange for me to try and see a Neuro Physio if at all possible as they should have some more ideas as to what might help and what wont.

I went to Physio again yesterday and we met up with the Neuro Physio. She is really nice and friendly and my Physio's told them what they had been working on and how I was responding etc. The Neuro Physio examined my leg and said that I have a pretty severe case of fixed Dystonia and she agreed that they needed to seek other options.

It took the Neuro Physio over 30 minutes to move my leg yesterday so it was pretty obvious that things just aren't getting any better. The Neuro seems to think that I have a 'fatigue' in my muscles and that you basically have to try and tier them out before you can even try and do anything with them.

The Physio's were discussing things whilst we were there and the neuro physio suggested trying a splint with more pressure applied at one side to see if that would try and get my leg back into the correct position. After discussing my case though, they decided that they didn't think it would work as the spasms in my leg are just too strong. They also mentioned casting my leg but thought that would be a bad idea because of the risk of even more muscle wasting and lesions etc - I was pretty relieved that they didn't want to try that as I don't think it is something I would be willing to try really.

The last option available was to try Botox and I think that is probably the route they will decide to go down if anything. The Neuro Physio was really nice and explained how Botox worked so that we were as informed as possible. My mum asked if the botox could make me worse as both of the nerve blocks I have had done did (the first one put me in a wheelchair for 13 months and the second caused really bad myoclonic spasms) and she said that she honestly didn't know but that they would have to be real careful as if they hit the wrong nerve, it could cause more harm than good and that it isn't a decision to take lightly really.

The Physio's are going to discuss the Botox with my Pain Management Doctor and we should hopefully have an answer for when we go to physio again (the end of April). The Physio's said that the Botox would probably make my pain worse in the short term so if they were going to try it, they would suggest doing an epidural or something to try and put any pain flares to an halt.

They also suggested that if we chose to go ahead with the Botox, it would be really useful if I was admitted into hospital a week after I had the procedure done so that they could do some intense physiotherapy with me to try and give me the best chance of regaining any function in my foot. I thought it was a good idea and so did my mum - I would also be allowed home should I wish on a night so at least I wouldn't have to sleep in the hospital.

So now, we are playing the waiting game!!! I really wish that the Physio's could have given us an answer yesterday as to what they were going to do but I know they need to discuss it with my doctor first and give us time to research it at home ourselves. The NHS wont do any procedures also without getting confirmation from all of the doctors involved so I think that is making things a bit more difficult also. Hopefully when we go next, we will have some answers!!!! The Physios also want me to try and go to Physio more often so are going to try and arrange a medicar for me so that my mum doesn't have to go all the time and my nanan could come with me (I think that would probably be helpful as she still doesn't understand RSD!!). They also suggested trying to get Physio at my GPs office but said that we would have to be careful and make sure the Physio knew about RSD and what he/she was doing!!

In more positive news!!: I have started going back to mainstream school on a Friday now. I come home for dinner as the teachers thought it would be too hard on me to stand for such a long period of time. It's hard at times but I seem to be coping OK and my friends seem to be a little better than they were last time - I think the teachers must have had a word with them about that and told them that we weren't happy!!!

Me and my mum are also going to see Dancing on Ice today at an arena near where we live. Dancing on Ice is a TV Program where they take celebs and try and get them to dance on ice like professions but they are doing a tour also!! We have been to see them before and they were really good so i'm looking forward to seeing it again!!

Thanks for reading my blog and I will keep you all updated when I hear anything else from my Physio's!!!!!

2 Year Anniversary of Dealing with This Monster ... RSD!!

Today is the 2nd year Anniversary of me having RSD. It's hard to believe that it has been 2 years to the day that I fell down those steps and sprained my ankle ... sometimes it feels like a life time again whilst on other days, it feels like just yesterday.

It's hard to believe that all of this could be caused just by falling down about 3 steps. All I did was sprain my ankle and ever since that day, I have been dealing with excrutiating pain and horrible Dystonia's caused by the RSD!!

It's been a pretty tough day for me so far. I am in a pretty huge pain flare at the moment and I don't think the added emotions/stresses of having to deal with my Anniversary are helping that much either. Still, i'm trying to focus on the positives though and realise that I have come quite a long way since I developed RSD. I am no where near better and still deal with pain of an 8 and a half on the pain scale on a daily basis, my leg is still extremely rotated and nothing I or anyone else can do has helped it so far, my limbs still turn blue and I am dealing with a suspected spread of the RSD to my left arm BUT in some respects, I have come a long way!!

This time last year, I couldn't walk and was wheelchair bound as my legs would just shoot out in front of me whenever I tried to walk and I would fall to the ground. My mum and dad had to literally carry me everywhere I went and it made simple tasks extremely difficult. I then went onto the Intense Physiotherapy Program in London and the Physio's there learnt me how to walk again. It was extremely tough but without that program, who knows where I would be today! Yes, I still deal with LOTS of pain on a daily basis and I have to use my wheelchair long distances BUT I can get around the house and school now and for that, I am extremely grateful as some people just aren't so lucky!!


I have learnt a lot since developing RSD and I feel it has made me a stronger person. I have dealt with sooo many emotions and tough times and have felt like giving in more times than enough but I am still here and trying to "cope" and live my life to the best of my ability, even though I have lots of limitations.

Have I fully accpeted that I have RSD?? OMG, no way!! I don't think I will ever be able to fully accept that I have RSD but I have learnt to try and get on with life, even though it is extremely hard sometimes when I cant do things that normal teenagers do. I have learnt not to take everything for granted and I am truly grateful for everything that I can do, despite the limitations that may be involved.

So even though today is tough and upsetting for me, I am trying my darn hardest not to focus on the negatives and to focus on the things that I CAN do!

Here's hoping that the next year will see the end of my battle against RSD and that I will be able to live a normal, pain-free live and do all of the things that I want to do!

Made to Feel Like a Drug Seeker...

I got a Phone call this afternoon from my mum. She was at work but called me as she was so upset and angry and needed someone to talk to.

We had run out of my medications so my mum went and put the prescription in on Friday as my pain had really spiked and I needed something to try and help. One of the drugs on prescription was Ketamine. As i'm sure some of you already know, it is the only medication that takes my pain down and even then it only takes it to a 6 and a half on the pain scale so I really felt that I needed it as the pain from our Vacation still hasn't settled down that much. I really hate taking it but figured that it is better than being in extra pain.

When my mum put the prescription in, the nurse told her that because it is such a strong drug and what some drug addicts use that she needed to keep the bottle. That was OK other than the fact that there was still a little bit in that could have helped knock the pain down, even if it was just for a little bit.

The nurse told my mum that the prescription wouldn't be available to pick up until today so my mum called the Chemist this morning to see if it was OK for her to go and collect it. The nurse on the phone was pretty nasty to my mum and said that she needed to see all the details from my Pain Management Doctor to make sure that it had been prescribed by him before she could dispense it because of what type of drug it is!!!

That is OK BUT when my mum took the prescription down on Friday, she gave them all of the details from my Pain Management Doctor AND when the Ketamine was prescribed to me, my Doctor wrote to the chemist and told them that it was OK for me to get repeat prescriptions every 9 days should I need to!!!

All of those details are on the flippin' records but yet the nurse made it out like my mum was a drug seeker and didn't believe anything she said!!!

My mum is now going to have to call my PM Doctor to tell him to write to the chemist and tell them that he HAS prescribed the Ketamine and that I need it to try and help with my pain. I really hate taking it but I have been off school since Friday now because the pain is so bad and I just don't feel well at all!

I'm sick of being made to look like I am a drug seeker. I'm sick that my mum has to deal with all of this when she has done nothing wrong and is just trying to help me and I am so sick that they have to make out that everyone that is on Ketamine is just a druggy and that they need help!! That is not the case at all and it is used in many hospitals to treat chronic pain and used for people that are in accidents etc.

Why do Doctors have to make it out that it is just for drug addicts take?!?! I KNOW many drug addicts take it but so do people with RSD and other chronic pain conditions and it's horrible that people have to label us as a drug seeker just because we have to take a strong drug to function without actually looking into the illness!!!!

I really hope that they will be able to get all of this sorted out soon so that hopefully I will be able to get my pain under control somewhat. It has been really high since we got back off holiday and I have hardly done anything other than lay in bed for the past few days!!

Thank you for letting me rant - I just needed to get it off my chest and i'm sure you all understand!!!

We've Been on Holiday!!!

As i'm sure some of you already know, we have just got back off holiday!!!! We went to Las Vegas on the 1st March for 5 days and had a good time!

The Plane Journey was really difficult and caused my leg to swell up a whole lot more than usual and my pain went up a lot also but we expected that anyhow as my Pain Management Doctor said that would probably happen due to the Cabin Pressure. It takes nearly 11 hours to get there so I was pretty uncomfortable on the plane due to the lack of legroom but I survived.

We saw lots of really impressive sights in Vegas. We went up the Eithell Tower which is really good - I just wish I was in a better mood as I was crying because my leg was hurting a lot, we went up the Stratosphere tower also which is amazing as you can see all of Vegas from there, to the Hoover Dam which was really interesting, into all of the hotels to do a bit of shopping, saw a magic show with pets in it that was really good, went on a few rides although we didn't go on that many as we had to be careful because of my RSD and also the Adventure Dome at one of the hotels was shut for maintainance and did a lot more!!!!

My dad doesn't really understand RSD which is really frustrating!! I had to sit down every 10 minutes or so because my leg was hurting and he just didn't understand and kept saying "Oh, it can't be that bad!!" or would accuse me of faking it - even though I had a really blue, swollen and rotated leg!!!! I really wish he would come and see my Doctor so that he could explain things better to him but he wont - he has only been to the hospital 3 times in the last 2 years or so that I have had RSD!!! My mum understands what RSD is thankfully as she has been there for me since day one and kept telling my dad that the pain IS bad but he still wouldn't believe her really.

Here are a few pictures from the holiday that I thought I would share with you all - I hope you like them!!



Me with my Juicy Couture Bag in Caesers Palace ... that was the only store we could afford anything out of as everything else was just too darn expensive!!



Me and my dad up the Stratosphere Tower on the last night of our holiday!!



Me with a giant M&M outside M&M World - that store is amazing, it has 4 floors of things all to do with M&M's and even it's own ride/simulator!



Me on a Lion!!!



Me singing on American Idol in Madame Thusaurds (a Wax Work Museum)



Me on American Idol again!!



My mum with Johnny Depp!!



Me with Zac Efron from High School Musical!!



Me kissing Zac Efron ... if only it was real !!!!



Me on an Harley Davidson!!



Dolphin having it's Blood Pressure taken - that was pretty cool to watch!!



Dolphin Singing!!!



Dolphin Singing ... I love that picture!!



White tigers - the Zoo Keepers explained that these tigers have a pigment condition which is why they are white!



White tiger again with tongue hung out - sooo cute!!!!



Leopard cub that I fell in love with!!



Leopard Cub playing with Keeper!!



Hoover Dam!!



Hoover Dam again!!



Fountains outside Bollagio Hotel - they are really good to watch!!



Fountains again!



Fountain Display inside an Hotel!!



Me in Caesers Palace!!