It's amazing how much I miss the little things about my grandad. Like his smiley face, not seeing all of his cardmaking supplies all over the house, not making him a cup of tea when I have to make my nanan one etc.
I miss him SO much already and I wish I could just turn back the time and everything would be OK. They tell you that things get easier day by day but at the moment, I don't think they do, if anything, they seem to get harder.
My nanan got the results of my grandads post-mortum yesterday and it wasn't an heart attack he died from, it was rather Pneumonicosis and Bronchial Pneumonia that he got from working down the pit.
My Uncle also took my nanan to make the funeral arrangements and it is costing a LOT of money to say it is a crematorium!! The corener told all of the grandkids to write a letter to my grandad and that as to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. Everytime I wrote something, I would start crying un-controlably. I told my grandad how much I missed him already but also asked him if he remembered when I broke my arm when we went to the caravan and how I was so stubborn as I wouldn't let my nanan take me to the hospital as I thought the taxi would cost too much, instead I waited about 3 days!! My nanan and grandad told me that my health came first, not the money but I wouldn't listen to them at all!!
I also have to find a recent picture of me to put into my grandads coffin. My grandad will be at the Chappel Of Rest from Monday but to be quite honest, i'm not sure if I want to go at the moment as when I saw him in the hospital, it was too painful...
Tailing Trout at Little Pine Lagoon this morning.
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Only a light northerly blowing as I fished Tailers Shore.
Trout were tailing but illusive. Two other anglers landed fish, one a good
21/2lb. The rest of us...
11 years ago
3 comments:
I wish I had some wonderful words of wisdom that would comfort you right now. It must be so very very hard...
If I were there, I would offer you the biggest hug and be happy to cry with you for your loss.
Grief seems a moving river; one moment you're at a calm, peaceful place and you think things are ok. Then, you'll hit a rough patch where you're holding on to the edges.
This is normal, but oh, so painful and my heart is saddened for you.
When I read your story about breaking your arm and your grandparents saying your health comes first, I want you to remember that right now. PLEASE keep yourself as healthy as you can right now (like eating, lots of water and sleeping as you're able to); you will want to be there with your family through this sad time.
Much love and support,
Lisa
Thank you Lisa for your kind words, you don't know how much they mean at a time like this ((hugs)).
You are so right about the grieving process, one minute I think I am coping OK and then the next minute, I am in floods of tears. It's like being stuck on an emotional rollocoaster.
We are going to see my grandad in the Chappel of Rest sometime today, not sure what time at the moment but i'm really dreading it!! The funeral is tomorrow morning also.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my blog, it means so much at a time like this. Thank you also for joining my forum, RSD Friends, I hope you find everything that you need there and if you need any help, please let us know.
Love and hugs,
Alison
Hi, Alison,
You are so welcome and thank YOU for your lovely blog - and for the forum which I've not yet had the chance to enjoy (just moved yesterday; will be checking it out very soon).
Please know your feelings are normal and allowing yourself to go through those stages, even feeling like a rollercoaster, is healthy. There was a time when it seemed the 'proper' thing to stuff away feelings like this, but that seems to end up very badly...
Be very kind to yourself, too. It is such a hard thing to live with RSD anyway, and to add this difficult time cannot make things easy at all.
Again I want to encourage you to take good care of yourself, to rest and do what your body and soul need to do to move through this time.
I know you'll be attending the funeral today and I will understand if you're away for a time. Do remember that I'll be thinking of you, sending out supportive thoughts across the distance.
When I picture your grandad, I somehow see him watching over you; I feel like he's now fully understanding of where you're at and wants to keep an eye on you. Hope that doesn't sound too nutty, but it's 'just a feeling' I have.
Your grandad lives on in you and you can choose to celebrate that.
Thinking of you lots, with gentle hugs,
Lisa
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