It's amazing how much this disease, RSD, makes you realise things that you would probably never have even known. I am not thankful that I have RSD because I do not want it (I mean, who would want to live in chronic pain constantly and not be able to walk?!) but I think it has probably helped me realise some things that I would never have known had I not developed this life-changing condition.
One of the main reasons I had to leave my old school was because of my "friends" not being supportive. The teachers at the school had told me that they were all supportive and that they always asked how I was doing and that they couldn't wait to see me so I really wanted to go back there and socialise with my "friends". However, once I returned to the School, all was not as it seemed. My "friends" never asked how I was doing, instead they just ignored me and pretened I didn't exist. I mentioned this to the teachers and they said that I was being stupid and that of course they cared about me. They were supposed to spend breaks with me and go and sit in the library but they didn't, they just went about doing their own things leaving me sat all on my own.
On the first day back to School, one of my so-called friends wouldn't allow me to sit next to her in the form room. My form tutor kindly asked her if I could sit next to her for 10 minutes and she harshly replied "No, she can not"!! The best bit about it is that this girl reckons she also has RSD in her leg, arm, back and teeth so honestly, if she did, she more than anyone should understand how important it is to sit down and rest and how painful this condition actually is.
I also had pressure from teachers, they wanted to rush me into doing things that I couldn't do. One day in Maths class, I had a teacher complain at me for not paying attention, when I told him it was because of my pain, he said that it was my leg that was injured, not my brain!!! I was also hopping on crutches one day to a lesson and the teacher that was with me said that I had to get a move on has she had better things to do! The last thing she told my mum was that everything would be on my terms and that if I was unable to do something, that would be fine. 2 days after that happened, I ended up in a major flare. It isn't surprising really given the amount of stress I was under.
My mum emailed the school and complained but they never replied to her emails so in the end, she ended up having to call them. The School tried to make it out that it was us that was in the wrong and that is was our fault for not updating them - even though we let them know how I was every week!!!
I mentioned what was going on with my friends to the School's Psychologist and she said that on the day I ended up in the flare, they were going to have a word with my friends to try and sort everything out. From what I can understand, they were going to sort of bribe my "friends" into being nice to me. You can't bribe someone to be your friend, you are friends with someone because YOU want to be, not because someone makes you be.
I'm so frustrated over everything that went off at the school with my friends and everything. The more I think about it, the more I think my "friends" were just using me for what they could get. On my 13th Birthday (2 weeks before developing RSD), I took 2 of my "friends" to the arena near where we live to see Rihanna and the Pussycat Dolls, we took them shopping almost every weekend before I developed RSD and bought them things and their dinners, took them to the movies when something good came out etc. While ever I was buying them something, they all wanted to be my friends but when I developed RSD and couldn't take them anywhere, they lost interest very quickly. Thinking about it now though, the day after we went to see the Pussycat Dolls, my "friends" never even spoke to me, it was like they got what they wanted and they were happy and not interested in me.
I need to somehow try and forget all of those bad experiences I had with my friends and try and move on. This condition has really helped determine who my true friends really are. At least at the new School Centre, I know that the children there are my friends because they want to be, not because I buy them things. I think it's easier has they have all being in a similar situations so know how I am feeling in some ways.
From now on though, I am not going to buy people things until I know whether or not they are my true friends. I don't want to fall into that trap again.
Sorry for rambling, I just needed to let this all out has it has been on my mind for a long time and I guess this is what my blog is for!!
Tailing Trout at Little Pine Lagoon this morning.
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Only a light northerly blowing as I fished Tailers Shore.
Trout were tailing but illusive. Two other anglers landed fish, one a good
21/2lb. The rest of us...
12 years ago
2 comments:
Oh, sweetie, I'm so glad you wrote about this! What a horrible experience to go through and how cruelly disappointing to be let down by your so-called friends.
I think often young people do cruel things out of ignorance more than intentional meanness, but that does NOT excuse their behaviour. Even as an adult, I find that people are often quite uncomfortable about my condition and that even when people ask how I am, they are not really interested in knowing the truth (despite the fact that I am careful how much I tell and how I say it, because it is quite harsh to hear, I understand). People don't know what to say or do and I think our culture teaches people to fear difference, whether you have a disability, a different sexual orientation, religion or a different colour to your skin.
It frankly SUCKS that you've had to go through this but I'm so pleased at what an aware young woman you are, possibly because of this ordeal. Despite the crummy circumstances, you have been able to find a school that accepts you and is willing to work with you - even the other students there sound quite accepting, which is wonderful because you are still a normal young woman in every way, excepting of course your physical limitations which you must learn to work around.
I hope that as the strong young woman I know you are that you will take this hard-won knowledge and put it to good in your life; perhaps someday you will work to help and/or educate others about difference, for example. Imagine the knowledge you are already sharing with the people in your new school! Again, although this is incredibly difficult for you, there are positives that can still come from it. And I really believe you're a wonderful person who deserves REAL friends who will love and accept you as you are, not for what you can give them.
I'm really proud to know you, even in this online way. I think you're amazing! Never be afraid to 'ramble' or show your real feelings here, you have readers who are more than happy to listen and offer support.
Keep strong, my dear, you're doing so well!
Lisa
Thank you Lisa for your kind words. It's just so hard and frustrating at times dealing with this illness at my age, but I know it is hard for everyone, no matter what your age. I just have to learn to somehow try and "cope" with my new-life.
I am really interested in being a Psychologist when I am older. Since developing this condition, I have realised how much people with chronic pain go through and how little help and support there is out there. I think that was one of the reasons why I decided to start my online forum also.
The School Centre said that I could go onto a Psychology course if I wanted to, when I feel up to it so that is something to look into.
Thanks again for taking the time to read and comment on my blog.
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